This is me

Kia ora whanau.  
Yes that is me in July 2018, in this picture I am being cuddled by my extraordinarily amazing husband Scott Andrew Giles, AKA  'Scotty too Hotty'.  
This was taken at my last book Launch.  Oh, have I  mentioned I am a Writer yet,  a Novelist?  I can't believe it. I have been blabbing for a whole  two seconds and haven't shoe horned it into the conversation at least twice  already.
That is joke.  I joke a lot.  I'm a bit sarky (I call it ironic),  inappropriate, sometimes bitchy and a little mad.  I try to be kind and always strive to be grateful.
What can I say, I am what I am.  So, in this picture here I am in my full soft centred, swaggery, glorious-ness.

My niece took this picture and put it on her facebook.  I was shocked by the size of me.

This is what I look like (yeah I do)  I have no issues with that (I'm lying I do) Others might (they don't apart from the assistant who gave me the "there is nothing that can fit you in this place" look in the Bendon undies shop on the main road, rude cow.)  
The truth is I gave up on myself.  After years and years of issues with my mental health,  medication,  hormones,  an auto immune disease, addictions and a mountain of other physical issues that  piled up one on top of the other e I thought feck it, (I'm part Irish it shows in my swearing)  I am so sick of you body, I am going to live in my head instead.
So now, my poor neglected body can't manage the front steps without oxygen and a Sherpa. (That is a joke by the way, I do that a lot, I am a very jolly person, its part of my 'fat lady' persona I guess.  No, that is another joke, yes I am a cut up, a jape, a misanthrope).  
Now I have to save myself from myself for myself.  
Hence the impending metamorphosis.
Since I don't have the dosh to buy a new body (I'd take Sophia Vergara's)  I thought I'd renovate this old fixer upper.  I am now a keto-maniac and this is my hikoi...